Ā鶹“«Ć½

I think the older I get, the more confused I am about life. I also think thatā€™s a shared thought among people. There are taxes and chores, and I keep asking myself increasingly ridiculous questions, such as: how is there still homework in Canvas? Is there a legal limit to how much one can shower in a day? Is my calculator just a safety mechanism? Where are my car keys? And:

What am I doing with my life?

There is so much pressure on young people to do ā€˜big people thingsā€™ nowadays. Weā€™ve all (most likely) been told to become something expensive: a doctor, a lawyer, etc. Unfortunately, you cannot go out onto the street and get paid for telling the world that chickens are men (featherless bipeds), for example. Okay, maybe you could do this, but Iā€™m not sure how successful youā€™ll be at it, per se. You can, however, go to school, get a degree, and uh, figure it out from there. Maybe youā€™ll become successful and recognized, but most likely, weā€™re all going to end up working a routine 9-5 and pray that nothing exciting happens that day.

How horrible. Ugh.

I know that I want my life to not be only studying, even though four years of a bachelorā€™s, two years of a masterā€™s, and who knows how long Iā€™ll be in medical school will most likely contain me within four walls most of the time. There must be a greater purpose than being the perfect A+ student. Yes, grades are important ā€“ and having a job ā€“ but so is being a human being. Isnā€™t that important, too? You canā€™t just throw your life into academics or work and forget about your humanity. ā€“ Iā€™ve been a victim of that.

Therapist: ā€œThese are all really cool hobbies, but...whereā€™s the self-love?ā€

Author, a full-time student with three jobs and progressively less sleep: ā€œThatā€™s a great question.ā€

Iā€™ve realized that outside of school and work, Iā€™m not entirely sure who Iā€™m becoming or who Iā€™ve even been. Sometimes I wonder what happened to my hobbies, my loves of life, my curiosity and wonder, and all I can say is, well:

I happened.

Thereā€™s this great quote that says, ā€œLife doesnā€™t come at you, but from youā€ and thatā€™s stuck with me ever since I saw it. Itā€™s rather true, isnā€™t it? Every consequence has an action, and every action has a consequence. Weā€™re all responsible for the lives we live because weā€™ve made the choices that lead us to where we are now. Yeah, we canā€™t control everything, but we can at least control ourselves.

Being so honest with you all, when is the last time you did anything you actually enjoyed? No, TikTok scrolling doesnā€™t count. That doesnā€™t require effort, really. When was the last time that you put some effort into yourself and liked it? Was it at the gym? The park? In a coffee shop with your friends?

I really donā€™t like it when I see stuff thatā€™s ā€œThis is your signā€ or ā€œYour horoscope and your love life... blah blahā€ ā€“ I donā€™t need to see that when I already know what I need to do. We all know what we need to do, but itā€™s the comfort we find in the known that prevents us.

Go have some fun. Real fun ā€“ donā€™t go partying, do something for the twelve-year-old or the five-year old that sits near to your heart. Let magic be real again, and maybe unicorns arenā€™t so far-fetched.

Believe in yourself, because thatā€™s the best magic youā€™ll ever have.
All my love,
Beatrice